10.12.11

So here we are, October and I'm 9 months pregnant! It seems to have come here so fast, I can't believe how close we are to getting to meet our little boy. I had hoped that yesterday we would find out our induction date, but we didn't. I still hope to be able to go into labor on my own prior to whatever date they give me anyways, but it would just be nice to know the possible day he may be born, I'm a very impatient person!!


Over the weekend I turned 25, so weird! When I was younger and thought of the age 25 I thought of someone much older than what I look/feel. I know it's not really an old age at all, it is just crazy how fast life goes by. I must say though, looking to where I thought I would be at this age, I'm pretty happy with the way my life has turned out. I have an amazing husband, whom I have been married to for almost 2 years, and together for 6 1/2, I have a beautiful daughter up in heaven that guides and protects me, a handsome son growing strong and healthy each day inside me, a princess puppy girl, and an amazing supportive family (who I miss so much!) My life has certainly been put through some difficult obstacles, many of which no one will ever have to face, let alone at such a young age. While at times I get angry for what I have had to go through, it has shaped me into the person I am today, a person I am proud to be.


On Friday I will be 37 weeks pregnant, for those unaware it was at 37 weeks that my precious daughter Isabella left this world and became an angel. I have been having a lot of mixed emotions and flashbacks, I am so blessed to have this beautiful life inside me now, but I would give anything to have both of my children. We have a 3 bedroom house and lately I look into our spare room and get so angry that it's not her room right next to her brothers, losing a child my family will never be whole. While we will live a great and happy life, and focus on the positives, there will always be a big part of us not here. 


Eric and I went to a Bible study with a friend last week, both of us just feel like we need a little faith back in our lives. While some people grow closer to God during tragedies, for us we did separate for awhile, just angry at what happened and not understanding why we would be put to such a low point. While I still hate when they say "she is in a better place" because for me no better place is then here with us, I am coming to terms with the fact there is a bigger plan for her, more than she could have done here, which has already been proven by the fact Eric was held back from Deployment, I truly believe she was behind his injury and us being together as a family throughout this pregnancy. I have so much faith in her that she is guiding over us and her little brother, and I thank her everyday.


I ask for anyone reading this to keep us all in your prayers these next few weeks. I can't wait to be blogging about the joys of motherhood!