As I reflect upon this year I'm thinking how amazing it turned out to be. We ended our somber 2010 on a high note by spending it in Disney World and enjoying each other. In January of 2011 Eric was gone for the entire month for JRTC (Pre-Deployment Training) he was injured after a week of being there, which has now resulted in permanent nerve damage in his hand. Little did we know it was a blessing in disguise. Like the title of my blog, I am a huge believer in fate. He was injured, and shortly after he returned home we got pregnant. Being so scared for what the future held, he was going to be deployed to Iraq and I was facing having our son without him. Thankfully due to his injury he was non-deployable and was able to experience this entire pregnancy with me, something he missed out on with Isabella.
Cameron is truly the highlight of this year, he has brought so much joy into my life. It's no easy task to be a full time stay at home mom, it can be physically and emotionally draining. Having him has brought back some depression I battled with losing Isabella, a lot of emotions that are hard to suppress, lots of what-ifs and guilt, and just overall sadness that my family will never be together as one. But at the same point, she is always with us and always a part of our life, it was her who protected Cameron.
Losing a child you take on a new outlook on life, everything becomes that more valuable because you know in a blink of an eye it can all be taken away from you. I spent months after her death being depressed, and when 2011 came around while I still missed her with every fiber of my being I realized I needed to focus on what was good in order to live a happy life. Once I stopped stressing about getting pregnant, and being angry at what I didn't have, I was then blessed with my little Cam.
The day he was born looking into his eyes I knew all was right in the world. There really aren't enough adjectives for happy to describe how I felt. I spent too long being sad and now that he was here NOTHING was going to stand in the way of my happiness. And that is exactly how I am going to live my life til the day I die. Of course we can't completely avoid stress,sadness and anger. But if you live life being an optimist rather than a pessimist you will live a much fuller and richer life.
I was looking forward to spending Christmas home with family, unfortunately that wasn't possible this year. We are hoping to be able to get granted leave in January, I know there are so many people dying to meet Cam. Eric and I will be celebrating on Christmas Eve since he will be working 24hrs on Christmas day. I was upset at first, naturally, I had my little moment and now I'm being positive about it. I look at what I have and think life is pretty good; a husband who is my best friend, a beautiful guardian angel, a handsome and healthy son, a perfect little pup, and an amazing family.
"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life, be happy now. Don't wait for something outside yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal"
*Merry Christmas and Happy New Year*
